## Tuesday, April 15, 2014

### April 12 or is that 8of12

I was excited that the 12th fell on a day I was visiting a friend as I thought I'd get lots of gorgeous photos. Turns out you can be too busy having fun for photos! So this is late and only eight but done trumps perfect :)
 :1:Paws that like to wake you up for play:2:LouLou and I:3:A cafe stop:4:before thrifting adventures:5:A little blue sky for company:6:Thrifty finds:7:Flowers for the gnome:8:Percy, owner of playful paws:

## Friday, April 11, 2014

### Owning it

I have been spending some time this year with the material from the CFS/ME/FM clinic that I went to. (Over four years ago apparently! Gosh blog I'm glad your memory is better than mine.) Owning the fact that I am still walking towards health.

I thought I'd get better after that treatment programme, I did, but only to a level that then got poured in to working more. So I pushed that stuff aside, I was angry it hadn't been a success and in denial that it hadn't been a success in almost equal measure.

Then work got even more stressful and I thought I'd give it up, work part-time in a completely different world and get better (though by then I didn't have CFS/ME anymore, I was just 'burnt out' and needing time to sort out my head and home.) Just as it was dawning on me that giving up one job might not be a miracle cure and that I might actually still be poorly and I might not just get better in a miracle of perfect timingI went on retreat. I thought I've found a whole circle of kindred spirits and the magic feeling of being me that can help me get better. I did, again only a level up but I want to say that here. Write it out so that I remember this. That this illness can be shifted. That I can feel gloriously HEALTHY not just for a few hours, days or weeks but all the time.

Level by level I am getting better. I would say closer but it isn't a destination. There's a healing circle to be closed and then there are healthy practices that will keep it whole.

Taking The Magic of Myth class with Elizabeth I made some big discoveries about how much I have been trying to just keep myself safe and denying myself a chance to explore dreams I've locked away like the most cherished childhood one of being a writer. Things I need to own. A lot of that need to protect and wrap in cotton wool and hide is tied up in this illness that creates barriers to what you can do and more subtly what you think you can do.

It's been with me since adolescence but I had five gloriously healthy years at the start of the noughties. In all the learning in these past nine years I have a wealth of tools to help me get better without trying the latest alternative health therapy that I read about, work out where I can go for treatment, fret about the expense, read about the debunking of and just want to give it all up. I have everything within me to heal and I just need to keep practicing getting out of my own way.

So when I feel like I don't know what to blog about because a row of sock knitting, a walk in the woods or a few square centimetres of tapestry don't seem like much I'll keep coming back here because this record of quiet days and glorious ways is of immense importance to me. This healing path all started when I picked up some sticks and string and I am going to keep walking it. Step by step. Stitch by stitch.

## Monday, March 31, 2014

### Trying to embrace being bad at things

I am spending more time being bad at things than is entirely comfortable for me at the moment. This is A Good Thing. I am trying to embrace learning new skills, new habits and new ways of thinking. This is not always easy but when I do manage to let go it can be fun. Especially in crafting and sometimes I even get something I am 'quite' pleased with like this little card. Mum and I had a play at papier mache this weekend and then I carried on playing with the paint. I really quite enjoyed myself. That is definitely A Good Thing :)

## Thursday, March 13, 2014

### March - 12of12

Though it seems mere days ago that I was padding out the last 12 of 12 with endless cat photos somehow yesterday was again the 12th of the month. Here's a mosaic of my photos taken throughout the day, and of course still featuring plenty of cat!
 1) My lovely orange journal is where I am starting my days at the moment 2) A grey walk to work made brighter with blossom 3) Puzzling over why some of the hawthorn is so much further out than others in this hedge 4) Walking home in the sun, here's the same blossom tree 5) And again as it's so pretty 6) My welcome home, she always reaches out when she wants food 7) Knitting away on the Little Wave cardigan 8) Sometimes with a little hindrance 9) Back from the vets, a check up after teeth extracted last week, all looking good 10) So good that he made it to the bottom of the garden, the little black speck! 11) Lindt bunny ensures a good nights sleep 12) Book on the go is The Robber Bride

## Friday, March 07, 2014

### Fleeting passions

This week my heart is beating faster for \\ bold brash daffodils \\ clementine cake \\ cutting fabric hearts \\ the smell of freshly washed clothes \\ singing in a choir \\ lunches with friends \\ magnolia trees on the cusp of blooming \\ quilts \\ Grimm \\ stripey pink skies \\ boxes of thread rainbows \\ Geneen Roth \\ roasted marrow \\ a new whistle in someone's purr \\ sunshine \\ coming to the end of my current journal \\ the delicate points of beech leaves in bud \\ being bad at meditating \\ busy birds